Unveiling Humanity's Triumph: Kansas City Chiefs 2023 Super Bowl Parade Tragedy Unearths Acts of Collective Compassion Amidst Adversity
By Carron Montgomery, LPC, RPT, Trauma Specialist
Preface: The following is only my experience and my thoughts as a professional in the mental health space. Please understand that traumatic events are not a one-size-fits-all-all experience. I discourage anyone from comparing their journey to mine or any other person dealing with this the fall out from the Kansas City Super Bowl Parade.
It is essential to validate and acknowledge that those who have a child who was physically or emotionally injured, directly witnessed this event, or lost a loved one. Everyone involved will have a different journey and set of challenges they are left grappling with and trying to make sense of. For the victims of this tragic event, it is essential to honor their unique process and understand that it will likely be ongoing and much more complex than what I experienced myself and with my three children.
Celebration Turned Tragedy
A celebration of community and support turned into a tragedy, leaving an entire city looking for answers. The Kansas City Chiefs parade and rally left most of us feeling like we didn’t have control over anything; some were dealing with shock, others a sadness they’d never experienced, but one common theme emerged: we were all questioning our faith in the goodness of humanity. I felt that way, at least for the first few days. Writing has been therapeutic, allowing me an outlet for the tsunami of emotions in the aftermath.
Once I was able to validate my anger, sadness, and vulnerability about how volatile the world is, I allowed myself to wallow and fully experience the discomfort and lack of control I have over what seem like they should be basic things. Especially my ability to ensure the safety of my children. The deep pain and anger I felt for my community. When we honor our emotions, the pain, the anger, sadness, and fear, we can move past them. With some time and work, I could release the weight of the emotions holding me captive.
Once the shock, anger, pain, and sadness lifted at least partially, I started to see the positive again. Within that, a small flame began to flicker and grow into a fire to fight for my children and our children.
Even for someone like me, who has learned all the tools and the methods, this wasn’t an easy process. I spent days not sleeping. Bedtime conversations with my three young children happened each night. They were painful and uncomfortable but needed, and as much as I wanted to believe that we’d never have to talk about things this hard, I am grateful that we could talk.
I watched in awe as they each processed their emotions–differently. I was humbled by their resilience and their unending ability to see the good in even the most horrible situations. As a parent, I found this more difficult. By letting them lead the conversations, I saw that even though they knew the details of the horrific events and felt them seemingly to the core, they could still hold on to the evidence that there was more good in humanity than bad. These are the things that we as adults tend to miss while they are clouded by our personal life experiences and anger and pain.
Reflecting: Seeing Through the Eyes of Children
I slowed down and took the time to reflect as if putting on the glasses my children were looking at the world through. I saw something I’d not been paying attention to before. Many of the tragedies we’ve faced lately have happened in large group spaces, which we, as a society, mostly public and safe. These tragedies have happened at places like churches, synagogues, schools, and shopping centers. While the number of these disturbing and senseless acts of violence doesn’t seem to be dwindling anytime soon, there is another side to this story. There are more instances now than ever of adults, innocent bystanders, and the community stepping in regardless of the risk.
Some examples that I could think of were things like heroic acts on airplanes, teachers and coaches risking their own lives to protect children in schools that aren’t their own, and a stranger stepping in to detain a violent perpetrator to prevent further violence. The longer I thought about this, the more I began to see how that is changing my children and their generation. These kids stand up for one another, and they show up for their friends emotionally, offering them support through whatever they are going through. The pattern began to emerge in my mind: not only were my kids doing this, but clients, friends, and family I knew were stepping up and making their voices heard. The younger generations seem more attuned and more willing to stand up for others and what they believe in than I can ever remember happening in my generation.
Now, we can connect some of this back to the same thing that happened during 9/11. There were an uncountable number of heroic people then who were willing to do whatever it took to help strangers.
How do we Cultivate Community in the Upcoming Generations
Model and teach your kids through education and conversation how to speak up and step up. More precisely, teach and talk to them about how to be prepared by being aware of your surroundings. We must tap into some of our oldest and most basic biologically driven instincts to help others in our tribe. If you see something, say something. That is what it means to be part of a community. Knowing someone has your back is one of the most fundamental and comforting feelings. This is what makes a good citizen, person, and friend.
These events prove that even though the world may feel unsafe, and kindness appears to be diminishing, good people are still willing to risk their lives for others, especially children. I believe that drawing attention to this is imperative as we try to navigate a tumultuous world, feeling often out of control and unable to protect our children.
It is just as vital for us as adults to draw our attention and focus to these positive acts of courage as it is for children to hear them. Just as we consistently remind them that they are safe and loved. With tragedy comes a natural curiosity, and our brains’ innate and biological tendency begins to scan for potential threats. We focus on the parts of the tragedy our brains believe keep us safe. Those same things, however, keep us stuck and unable to move forward, being focused only on the negative. Because our brains are so unique, we can grow the parts of our brains that look for what is going well.
Situations like the parade tragedy leave us feeling like the world has gone sideways. I hope this blog reminds us to pause and acknowledge the good happening around us—within ourselves, among our neighbors, children, families, and communities. At the same time, incidents like this may leave us feeling disoriented and grappling to comprehend senseless acts of violence, leaving us grasping for a sense of control. It’s crucial to remember that amidst the chaos, there are shining examples of selflessness and heroism that inspire hope and resilience. That’s how we overcome events like the Kansas City Cheifs 2023 Super Bowl Parade.
What Is the Bystander Effect?
“The bystander effect occurs when the presence of others discourages an individual from intervening in an emergency, against a bully, or during an assault or other crime. The greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is for anyone to help a person in distress. People are more likely to take action in a crisis when there are few or no other witnesses present.” (From Psychology Today)
How Can You Overcome the Bystander Effect?
“We humans are social animals with a deep-rooted tendency to empathize with others. Channeling this goodness, we can overcome the bystander effect and reach across the chasm to help. And the more altruism we witness, the more likely we are to help other.” According to Psychology Today. This reflects that, at our core, we crave community and connection. When we have these positive protective buffering factors, we can tap into what our brains and bodies are hard-wired to crave. A support system allows us to share the emotional toll and load we carry as a species that feels—our instincts to protect our children and loved ones.
Examples of the Power of Altruism and Its Ability To Override the Bystander Effect:
One example is the article, The Power of Bystander Altruism: How a Traumatic Attack Showcased Humanity’s Goodness, published through Psychology Today and written by June Gruber, Ph.D., and Sabrina Marques, MFA 20203. The article recounts a traumatic event that occurred in São Paulo, Brazil. It demonstrates the shift in the bystander effect that I was beginning to see may be a trend and not limited to single incidents such as The Chiefs 2023 Super Bowl Parade. The authors state, “That there were many people on the street that night. The classic John M. Farley and Bibb Latane bystander effect studies of the 1960s and 1970s made the surprising conclusion that participants were less likely to help if others were around.” The event in Brazil and the article highlights a brave young lady named Sabrina, demonstrating that we are not all wired to respond in a pre-programmed manner. Sabrina did not stand by and stay silent and frozen for long. Instead, she acted. The article states, “As our attackers ran away, Sabrina screamed in Portuguese (her father had grown up in Porto) that her friend had been assaulted. We then watched an altruistic ripple effect take hold among those around us. Helping propagated like waves in a pond, extending out from the epicenter of the assault.” People began to help, and the more people helped, the more help followed. The article resonated with the actions documented following the Super Bowl Parade.
Facts That Demonstrate Altruism and Community Activism: The Kansas City Chiefs Parade
- The innocent bystanders who tackled the shooters were not law enforcement and didn’t hesitate to jump in and save lives.
- Police officers and emergency responders didn’t hesitate to run towards danger to protect our city.
- Many emergency workers were dispatched and dropped everything they were doing to head towards the crime scene instead of away from it, whether they were needed or not.
- Chiefs players Trey Smith and Clyde Edwards-Helaire are examples of people who helped children during the parade.
- Many adults remained in an environment that felt unsafe because they would not leave a child without the protection and safety of finding and reuniting a scared child with their parents.
- Many professionals are donating their time to equip parents and educators with skills to help children navigate the parade’s aftermath.
- Many mothers are uniting and coming together to say, “Enough is enough.” They are holding rallies to support more gun restrictions and updated laws in Missouri.
- Many GoFundMe pages and free resources have been and continue to be created to help those who were either injured by the parade or lost a loved one, such as Lisa Lopez-Galvan, and for families who suffered from any form of trauma.
- Trauma extends to those who witnessed the event directly and often extended to vulnerable mothers, adults, and children who were not present at the event but who have been exposed to information that has left them feeling unsafe and vulnerable in a volatile world.
- Online resources and donations continue to be made public, and our energy and efforts can keep this momentum moving forward to help and heal as a community.
If you liked this blog check out: How to Parent when your Child is Hurting.
Uniting in the Face of Tragedy:
Building Stronger Connections with Our Children and Community
KC Strong
In the Wake of Tragedy, We Find Community
Always hold onto hope. Hope gives us so much to live for, to hold out for, to hold onto.
“The thing about kindness is that we rarely realize the impact it has on someone that truly needs it. It’s not difficult to be kind, yet to some people the world feels so cruel. So be kind to your family, be kind to your friends, be kind to the person who takes your coffee order, the bus driver, and so on. You’ve got a lot of kindness in you, and you never know who needs it most.”
My three children are each reacting differently to recent events, but fear, anger, confusion, and sadness are common reactions to the Super Bowl Parade tragedy. We can utilize this sadness as a catalyst to reconnect with one another to bridge the gap of communication that exists between us and our children.
As adults, our children are the core of our being. They motivate us to spread love, provide support when they need us, and make us kinder to others. The overwhelming surge of emotions I’m personally experiencing as a parent and a mental health therapist who was present with my child at the parade are humbling, uncomfortable, and disheartening.
This tsunami of turmoil from the outside world, combined with my internal turbulence that reflects my emotional state, is a complicated mix of confusion, fear, and worst-case scenarios. But it’s essential to take this as the opportunity that it presents, where we can grow from it and better understand our children, who go through these complicated inner and outer conflicts more often than we have to as adults.
Take the pandemic as one example. Children had these same complex and confusing emotions when most adults struggled themselves to grasp or process their experiences. Let’s take this opportunity to expand our understanding, raise mental health awareness, and connect with our children on a more profound level. Above all else, keep in mind we are all in this together.
This tragic event can become a resource for us to grow and broaden our understanding of ourselves, the world around us, and those we share it with. I may not be able to understand each client’s situation directly. Still, moments like these mean that I can relate to the overwhelming fear that engulfs your entire being at the mere thought of your children being harmed or witnessing such senseless violence.
Moving Through the Moments
In the last 24 hours, I’ve watched my seven-year-old shed tears, struggle to find the words to express the pain that he’s feeling, and grapple with the anger that senseless violence leaves behind. It’s heartbreaking to realize the pain resulting from this horrific act. The parade was meant to be a joy-filled community event, a celebration, a way for children, parents, family, and community to come together and make memories.
Instead, parents are left grappling with what to do next. What steps to take? Talk about it, don’t talk about it? How much do they know? What did they see? As usual, we are left with more questions than answers in the fallout.
As a parent and a therapist who attended the event, I feel humbled and incredibly vulnerable. I also feel compelled to share what my experience and expertise offer that may be able to help even one or two of you out there who are struggling with similar emotional journeys or feel like our very community has become volatile and insecure.
Processing uncomfortable emotions doesn’t come easily for most. We must allow our children to feel and validate their feelings.
Children, thankfully, are resilient. It’s our greatest fear to see them suffer, and their pain amplifies our fear and pain. It’s crucial to understand that with the proper support and guidance, they can navigate through these emotions and even teach us valuable lessons along the way.
Children of all ages can sense the unspoken energy in the world and the room, so we must strike a delicate balance between offering them age-appropriate information and avoiding excessive discussion.
First, understand that no matter what we say or don’t say, our children will see, hear, and read detailed information about this event. One of the first things I reminded my children about is that not everything they see or hear is accurate and that if it doesn’t make sense or they want to talk, I’m here to answer their questions. It then becomes my job to answer those questions as honestly as possible while remaining age-appropriate.
Everything comes down to balance; we must validate their curiosity about the incident and remind them that our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative. Try to highlight the positive aspects that have emerged from this tragedy while letting them express and validate their fear, pain, sadness, anger, and any other emotions they are working through. They may not yet have the words to express those emotions or explain what they are experiencing, so be patient with them.
We also must be the ones to move through these feelings ourselves and process them as our emotional status as parents sets the current for our homes.
Each Child is Unique
This is as true for their talents as it is for how they process. Some children may have already processed their emotions, some may seem unaffected, while others may be affected more than those at the event.
Take the time to understand your children as individuals and provide them with information that is both age-appropriate and developmentally suitable. Their unique social and emotional development should guide your approach, regardless of chronological age. Consider their temperament, protective factors, and maturity level when assessing what they can handle. Remember, we are all doing our best with the information and skills we currently possess. Offer facts while avoiding specific details that may heighten their fear. Some children require information to feel secure, while others simply need a loving and stable presence focused on creating an environment of love, safety, and open communication.
In my case, I’ve noticed my three children, each with their distinct personalities, are responding differently; as parents, we may feel that we should simply know how to handle these situations, but our generation wasn’t taught much about mental health or dealing with tragedy. It’s hard to understand what we haven’t been taught, and it can be even more challenging to admit that we need help. It’s never too late to learn, and asking for help is always okay.
If you are struggling, please contact a professional or contact me directly. Knowing what to say or do is hard, especially when you’re still trying to process.
Be Mindful of What You Are Saying and What They See
Children are always listening, even when you believe they are not. They are experts at reading messages and alerts over our shoulders, eavesdropping on our conversations, and pretending to be involved in something else. Often, the text exchanges and alerts we have on our phones are inappropriate for our children, and what we may see as venting and just talking to our peers would induce fear and anxiety in a child.
Devices offer immediate access to inappropriate information inadvertently, with alerts, access to YouTube, and other content aimed at adults. So many of us have our devices linked to different platforms and other devices that you may be having a conversation on your phone by text, but your 8-year-old doing homework on your laptop is seeing the same alerts.
Be aware of where your content goes and what alerts show on which devices, and learn how to limit that exposure for your children. Limiting what they watch and how much they watch during a tragic event can also help limit exposure. You should always be aware of what your kids are watching, but it’s even more important when there is turmoil. Always ensure they know you are there; if they want to talk or just sit in the same room as you, sometimes that’s all they need.
Throughout this journey, we will all shed tears. Sometimes, we will anticipate their arrival; other times, they will catch us off guard. Let’s not underestimate the power of touch. Embrace your loved ones tightly, cherish moments of quiet togetherness, and remind yourself that you are in a safe space. Amidst the scary and heartbreaking stories we often encounter, it’s crucial to recognize that there are good-hearted individuals who strive to protect and improve our community. Emphasize that our children are surrounded by compassionate people working tirelessly to improve the world. Often, it is our children who remind us of what truly matters. They have an innate ability to sense when a friend is hurting, and through simple acts of kindness, they can help heal others. Encourage them to understand that their generation is unique and will continue shaping the world, making it a better place. They possess a deep understanding of integrity, and for the first time, we are opening up and learning valuable lessons from them.
So much of what we often read is the scariest and saddest part of a tragedy. Still, this incident demonstrated that there are good humans out there who have amazing hearts and will continue to work to keep us in our community safe—discuss that they are surrounded by good-hearted people who work to make the world a better place. Often, our children are the ones who remind us what matters most.
Reiterate to your children that they are part of a community where adults prioritize their well-being and safety. And don’t forget to remind yourself that both you and your children are okay. Dropping off kids at school can be emotionally challenging for both parents and children. Kids often find it difficult to be away from their parents, while parents worry about their children’s well-being in their absence. This innate drive to protect brings us closer together. Let’s follow that instinct and lean on one another.
Kindness and community can emerge from tragedy, and if any place has the potential to achieve this, it’s our resilient Chiefs Kingdom. Acknowledge the heartbreak of witnessing our children endure such high levels of stress, worry, and fear following an unimaginable act of violence. It leaves even the strongest among us feeling vulnerable and powerless. Letting your children know their pain resonates with you is okay. Together, we can overcome any challenge, and the same applies to their school, church, sports team, or anything significant in their lives. The key is to lean on one another, whether holding someone’s hand, engaging in conversation, or simply offering a smile to a sad-looking classmate.
Asking if someone is okay doesn’t make matters worse; on the contrary, it provides solace, letting people know they are not alone and that it’s okay to struggle. Even if your child doesn’t seek help, please reach out for assistance if you’re finding it difficult. As adults, we set the emotional climate in our surroundings, and children look to us to gauge their safety, and we know they sense the unspoken.
Feeling overwhelmed is a normal response, but we should rely on one another for support. Although seeking help might be challenging at the moment, consider contacting your child’s school and arranging for a speaker to address parents and teachers. This initiative will benefit our children immensely, providing them with the necessary support. We all must communicate using the same language and unite in our commitment to keeping everyone safe.
“Be gentle with yourself on the days you are feeling everything.
Be gentle with yourself on the days you are feeling nothing.
Be gentle with yourself through whatever you are feeling right now.”
-Charlotte Freeman
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