Uniting in the Face of Tragedy:

Building Stronger Connections with Our Children and Community

KC Strong

In the Wake of Tragedy, We Find Community

My three children are each reacting differently to recent events, but fear, anger, confusion, and sadness are common reactions to the Super Bowl Parade tragedy. We can utilize this sadness as a catalyst to reconnect with one another to bridge the gap of communication that exists between us and our children.

As adults, our children are the core of our being. They motivate us to spread love, provide support when they need us, and make us kinder to others. The overwhelming surge of emotions I’m personally experiencing as a parent and a mental health therapist who was present with my child at the parade are humbling, uncomfortable, and disheartening.

This tsunami of turmoil from the outside world, combined with my internal turbulence that reflects my emotional state, is a complicated mix of confusion, fear, and worst-case scenarios. But it’s essential to take this as the opportunity that it presents, where we can grow from it and better understand our children, who go through these complicated inner and outer conflicts more often than we have to as adults.

Take the pandemic as one example. Children had these same complex and confusing emotions when most adults struggled themselves to grasp or process their experiences. Let’s take this opportunity to expand our understanding, raise mental health awareness, and connect with our children on a more profound level. Above all else, keep in mind we are all in this together.

This tragic event can become a resource for us to grow and broaden our understanding of ourselves, the world around us, and those we share it with. I may not be able to understand each client’s situation directly. Still, moments like these mean that I can relate to the overwhelming fear that engulfs your entire being at the mere thought of your children being harmed or witnessing such senseless violence.

Moving Through the Moments

In the last 24 hours, I’ve watched my seven-year-old shed tears, struggle to find the words to express the pain that he’s feeling, and grapple with the anger that senseless violence leaves behind. It’s heartbreaking to realize the pain resulting from this horrific act. The parade was meant to be a joy-filled community event, a celebration, a way for children, parents, family, and community to come together and make memories.

Instead, parents are left grappling with what to do next. What steps to take? Talk about it, don’t talk about it? How much do they know? What did they see? As usual, we are left with more questions than answers in the fallout.

As a parent and a therapist who attended the event, I feel humbled and incredibly vulnerable. I also feel compelled to share what my experience and expertise offer that may be able to help even one or two of you out there who are struggling with similar emotional journeys or feel like our very community has become volatile and insecure.

Processing uncomfortable emotions doesn’t come easily for most. We must allow our children to feel and validate their feelings.

Children, thankfully, are resilient. It’s our greatest fear to see them suffer, and their pain amplifies our fear and pain. It’s crucial to understand that with the proper support and guidance, they can navigate through these emotions and even teach us valuable lessons along the way. 

Children of all ages can sense the unspoken energy in the world and the room, so we must strike a delicate balance between offering them age-appropriate information and avoiding excessive discussion.

 First, understand that no matter what we say or don’t say, our children will see, hear, and read detailed information about this event. One of the first things I reminded my children about is that not everything they see or hear is accurate and that if it doesn’t make sense or they want to talk, I’m here to answer their questions. It then becomes my job to answer those questions as honestly as possible while remaining age-appropriate.

Everything comes down to balance; we must validate their curiosity about the incident and remind them that our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative. Try to highlight the positive aspects that have emerged from this tragedy while letting them express and validate their fear, pain, sadness, anger, and any other emotions they are working through. They may not yet have the words to express those emotions or explain what they are experiencing, so be patient with them.

We also must be the ones to move through these feelings ourselves and process them as our emotional status as parents sets the current for our homes. 

Each Child is Unique

 This is as true for their talents as it is for how they process. Some children may have already processed their emotions, some may seem unaffected, while others may be affected more than those at the event. 

Take the time to understand your children as individuals and provide them with information that is both age-appropriate and developmentally suitable. Their unique social and emotional development should guide your approach, regardless of chronological age. Consider their temperament, protective factors, and maturity level when assessing what they can handle. Remember, we are all doing our best with the information and skills we currently possess. Offer facts while avoiding specific details that may heighten their fear. Some children require information to feel secure, while others simply need a loving and stable presence focused on creating an environment of love, safety, and open communication. 

In my case, I’ve noticed my three children, each with their distinct personalities, are responding differently; as parents, we may feel that we should simply know how to handle these situations, but our generation wasn’t taught much about mental health or dealing with tragedy. It’s hard to understand what we haven’t been taught, and it can be even more challenging to admit that we need help. It’s never too late to learn, and asking for help is always okay.

If you are struggling, please contact a professional or contact me directly. Knowing what to say or do is hard, especially when you’re still trying to process.

Be Mindful of What You Are Saying and What They See

Children are always listening, even when you believe they are not. They are experts at reading messages and alerts over our shoulders, eavesdropping on our conversations, and pretending to be involved in something else. Often, the text exchanges and alerts we have on our phones are inappropriate for our children, and what we may see as venting and just talking to our peers would induce fear and anxiety in a child.

Devices offer immediate access to inappropriate information inadvertently, with alerts, access to YouTube, and other content aimed at adults. So many of us have our devices linked to different platforms and other devices that you may be having a conversation on your phone by text, but your 8-year-old doing homework on your laptop is seeing the same alerts.

Be aware of where your content goes and what alerts show on which devices, and learn how to limit that exposure for your children. Limiting what they watch and how much they watch during a tragic event can also help limit exposure. You should always be aware of what your kids are watching, but it’s even more important when there is turmoil. Always ensure they know you are there; if they want to talk or just sit in the same room as you, sometimes that’s all they need.

Throughout this journey, we will all shed tears. Sometimes, we will anticipate their arrival; other times, they will catch us off guard. Let’s not underestimate the power of touch. Embrace your loved ones tightly, cherish moments of quiet togetherness, and remind yourself that you are in a safe space. Amidst the scary and heartbreaking stories we often encounter, it’s crucial to recognize that there are good-hearted individuals who strive to protect and improve our community. Emphasize that our children are surrounded by compassionate people working tirelessly to improve the world. Often, it is our children who remind us of what truly matters. They have an innate ability to sense when a friend is hurting, and through simple acts of kindness, they can help heal others. Encourage them to understand that their generation is unique and will continue shaping the world, making it a better place. They possess a deep understanding of integrity, and for the first time, we are opening up and learning valuable lessons from them. 

So much of what we often read is the scariest and saddest part of a tragedy. Still, this incident demonstrated that there are good humans out there who have amazing hearts and will continue to work to keep us in our community safe—discuss that they are surrounded by good-hearted people who work to make the world a better place. Often, our children are the ones who remind us what matters most.

Reiterate to your children that they are part of a community where adults prioritize their well-being and safety. And don’t forget to remind yourself that both you and your children are okay. Dropping off kids at school can be emotionally challenging for both parents and children. Kids often find it difficult to be away from their parents, while parents worry about their children’s well-being in their absence. This innate drive to protect brings us closer together. Let’s follow that instinct and lean on one another.

Kindness and community can emerge from tragedy, and if any place has the potential to achieve this, it’s our resilient Chiefs Kingdom. Acknowledge the heartbreak of witnessing our children endure such high levels of stress, worry, and fear following an unimaginable act of violence. It leaves even the strongest among us feeling vulnerable and powerless. Letting your children know their pain resonates with you is okay. Together, we can overcome any challenge, and the same applies to their school, church, sports team, or anything significant in their lives. The key is to lean on one another, whether holding someone’s hand, engaging in conversation, or simply offering a smile to a sad-looking classmate.

Asking if someone is okay doesn’t make matters worse; on the contrary, it provides solace, letting people know they are not alone and that it’s okay to struggle. Even if your child doesn’t seek help, please reach out for assistance if you’re finding it difficult. As adults, we set the emotional climate in our surroundings, and children look to us to gauge their safety, and we know they sense the unspoken.

Feeling overwhelmed is a normal response, but we should rely on one another for support. Although seeking help might be challenging at the moment, consider contacting your child’s school and arranging for a speaker to address parents and teachers. This initiative will benefit our children immensely, providing them with the necessary support. We all must communicate using the same language and unite in our commitment to keeping everyone safe.

“Be gentle with yourself on the days you are feeling everything.

Be gentle with yourself on the days you are feeling nothing.

Be gentle with yourself through whatever you are feeling right now.”

-Charlotte Freeman

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